I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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