i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
