it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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