you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
