I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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