You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
