I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
