On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
