How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
