smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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