I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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