I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just had sex on a roof
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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