i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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