Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
