So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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