you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
