He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
