I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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