those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
