I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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