My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
