Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
