I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
