I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
did you just send me my own nude
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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