hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
