Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
