Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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