I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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