So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
