I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
