I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
