i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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