i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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