Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize