I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
