You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
