Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
