two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
