That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
