He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
