Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
