just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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