My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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