YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
