ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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