She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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