they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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