One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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