My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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