Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
