if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
