I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
