I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
