I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
