im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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