I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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