What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.