and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.