Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
