And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.