Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.