hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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