All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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