Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

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(513): View more from Ohio

no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(502): View more from Kentucky

I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.

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(678): View more from Georgia

No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.

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