just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
