just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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