she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
