worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
