Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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