dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
