About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
