From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize