I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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