So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
