Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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