Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
