Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
