Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
