He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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