i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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