So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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