I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
