Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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