Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
