I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
