never play flip cup with pint glasses
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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