Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
