Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
