Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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