I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
