I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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