I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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