Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
