ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
