I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize