all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
