and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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