Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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