If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
