all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
